I find myself making up truths day to day. I wouldn't call them lies, just false truths. For instance, Corey decides to apply for a job in TN and tells me after he sets up an interview time. I'm later asked why he told me about the job after he made the interview. Shouldn't i have been told first since it might as well effect me too. So i say, "Oh, we are very independent people. And he can do what he wants. I mean he knows i will support him and, yeah." The truth... i ain't got no clue.

But alas, i do have a clue. When we are in Canada vacationing we talked about us and even though we have known for sometime that we want to get married i have always had a wall around me (something that was placed for protection in childhood, and never destroyed!). But we talked about my wall and what that means when it comes to him and i. Also the fact that i don't ask questions about him because A) i'm not sure i want to know and B) i don't want to seem stupid. So when we talked about all of this (or in my case cried/talked) we realized we had reached a different place in or relationship.  One where we could truly see ourselves getting married. But it hit me today what that really ment.

When he gets really upset about work he always says he wants to leave and tells me maybe he will come to PA to live and such. But he sticks it out. Yesterday i got a call at night and he was really upset about something at work and had finally come to the conclusion he needed to leave. Now when i come to the conclusion on something big and how it could possibly effect him i always ask him before i do it, just to see what he thinks. But like in the TN case it was never something he did, which is now how i realize our relationship is in a different place. Today i get a text saying, what do you think about living near the ocean in NC. I ask "what's there?" and he replies with "another camp." After a few more text messages being exchanged i get a call from him. He says that he is thinking of transffering camps because he really needs out of this one. I told him whatever he wanted i would support him because this was something for him. He tells me that he wants to know exactly how i feel because it effects me too. The job would be slightly different because instead of living on camp all the time, he would be non-residential. Which means at the end of the day he would go home...off sight. And this is essentially what we have been waiting for. Up till now there was no reason for me to move closer to him because he worked 24/5.  But if he transfers and gets this non-residential job, then i would have reason to move closer. BUT we have already decided that we didn't want to live together before we got married because we are asking for trouble, and because majority of both our families are incredibly opposed. SOOOO that means....figure it out. 

to know that one day i will be married to this wonderful man, the man i prayed about when i was younger, is such an incredible feeling. 

in the end i get the best of life.

(side note:) i think while i was typing this kiwi was laying beside me reading it.